You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
