I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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