he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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