If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
