I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
