scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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