How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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