I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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