Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
