I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
