Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
