So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
