So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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