Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
