My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
