so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
