it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
