I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
