God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
