just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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