You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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