I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
