Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
