Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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