I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
