She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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