Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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