You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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