I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
