A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
