I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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