oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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