I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dignity is for republicans.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
