So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
