Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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