saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
