So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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