I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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