hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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