I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Text me some of your sweat
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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