Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
