Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
