I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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