U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
