Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
