Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
