i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
