im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
