Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
