I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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