So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
