So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
