I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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