We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
