you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
