woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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