he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
