don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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