Even the bartender felt bad for me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
