I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
two words...techno handjob
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
