Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
