You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
