true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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