I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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